Hara-Kiri of the Ego (in progress)

My heart skips a beat

I am but a child

My mind sucks her teeth at me.

"I am but God" she corrects...

I stretch,

vexed,

perplexed.

I am sitting in the center of my bed

I am naked and high

I am utterly alone.

Even the music is a stranger chatting in the distance.

Earths gravity is pulling at the corners of my mouth.

I feel out of and in control.

I feel as if a great black hole is forming in the center of my chest and will soon consume everything I am not.

I have stopped searching for a familiar set of eyes in the dark, 

I've stopped listening for a familiar voice in the distance.

I salvage my mind and comfort my own skin by rocking back and forth, analyzing the existence of everything around me, 

wondering why must these earthly creatures interact with me

when I am but a child,

when I am but a happening,

"I am but a black woman!" someone corrects in the distance,

I look for my lighter

I cringe at the thought of my recent break up, "stupid bitch" I mutter..I take it back after 3 seconds.

All is as it should be.

She has been the vibration on this plane that has awoken me to my own waving suicide...

Why am I here, this fuckin ego, created by you and hosted by me.

I am on a solo journey with a fucked up mind to clean up along the way..

The hole widens and I can feel my body and mind splitting,

away,

from eachother..

I am swaying,

I hear only a single heartbeat.

I smile.

its my only sign in this darkness.

I am but obsolete

I am but a dream

"I am you!" I hear myself shout.

I am alone, I am naked, I am high

I have no desire to breathe yet I do

I have no desire to dance, yet I do

I have no need to believe yet it grows in my heart

My teetering and tottering on the brink of insanity has brought me close to your lips and I thought I smelled life coming from your pit..and I had a desire,

for once, 

for the first time, 

to truly live.

A gift like that is given once in a lifetime.

Not to be held down and stifled but to be free

I am but a maniac who has found god in herself

I am but a heartbroken poet,

I am but a God in a dream created by her ego.

Hara-kiri for life.

I will return to my heart beat I will return to myself.

I am but Life waiting for her own breathe to return.

A simple balance must be maintained..

death and life must come from the same place

I must hold them in my smoky palms and love them both..one must die so the other may live (cycles).

All is as it should be

ill live so you can die 

ill die so you can live

hara-kiki for life

so life may always win.

Pulse

Death to the ego, so you, that is Life, that is Love, may win.

We are all waiting to return to our own breathe, sometimes we just need a little help to remember that we are the love we seek and we are the love we were denied.

Victory is ours.

Activate:Aware:Be:Free