Love Deferred

44 stitches later and I awake on a cold table
Naked
A three letter word has been branded between my breasts
The ring I wore on my pointer finger has been removed
I smell no sage here, no rice, no oil
I smell my own blood
And I know I must drink it for strength
A rage grows inside me
How stupid was I to think you would let me in your world,
without taking something from me.
It's silent.
I have no heartbeat. You have taken that along with your words,
Along with your sound...
I strain to feel your vibration, but it's cold.
I trusted you.
And that's what I'm left with
A chest with no heart, an ear with no sound, and a dream of love deferred. .

In between a blueblack love poem

If you love someone let them go, if they come back let them go again. Only when you are no longer in the place they left you will things change...

I won't be in the place you left me. Because I have left that place. I have dropped our baggage and chaotic patterns and have stripped myself naked

Because I am no longer ashamed 

I am in the garden of our love and yes,

I am the snake, the woman and the man

And I am god.

And I have no need to judge, or hurt or suffer because I am standing in my own creation and am in peace.

To say I don't think of you, miss you, feel you... Would be an absolute lie.

But those feelings no longer tie me to your idols of love. Or enchant me with your ethereal music.

The position I assume is my own. I love you. And I am no longer in fear but in present.

I walk with myself and you walk with me... Yes, I love you. But I have learned that love doesn't mean sacrifice of self.

I don't have to sacrifice my self for you like I thought.

I can't solve your problems, and I don't want to.

I want you to use your own power to strengthen your heart and love me for me.

As I love you for you.

But only love of self could get us to a heaven like that...

Maybe we will come together again. Having left that place and meeting again...

Maybe..............

To be contd. maybe.

matters of the heart

So still I feel,

I feel like a planet surrounded by 1000 spinning rings,

but my core is too heavy to pay attention to the chaos.

I just miss your voice

The world is destroying itself

and all i can think of are the shape of your shoulders.

I know you have gone and all I can do is sit in the essence you left behind.

I am sitting in space and I have curled into the shape of this blue planet

I have folded within myself because this is where I tend to my wounds.

So still I feel in my mourning

So grateful.

This pain is different from other lovers, this pain makes my blood run warm

the slow seeping of life flows through me and everyday I become alive unto myself.

A bigger idea formulates,

Love evolves..I must evolve..I must let you go and what use to be us.

That no longer feeds me or you..I am here a shell of a being and you...well you have gone.

I am still.

I let go out of control.

I feel what I feel.

I accept what is.

When it comes to matters of the heart, one must be still..still enough to hear the beating of ones own heart and still enough to hear the next heart beat playing in the future.